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Mountain Dew Employs NASCAR Drivers To “Dew” Their Bidding

It is likely that you – a normal, reasonable human being – have made it through the past 24 hours without having to thrash your hair about which Mountain Dew soft drink “flavor” is the best – Pitch Black or Baja Blast? Of course, your first normal, reasonable human being response after reading that previous sentence would most likely be something like “Pitch Black” and “Baja Blast” are flavors? Then you would immediately go through your list of various pre-determined checkpoints to make sure that you are a] not dreaming, b] not drunk and c] still residing on this planet in human form.

But Mountain Dew [aka PepsiCo] has employed NASCAR drivers Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Chase Elliott and Kasey Kahne to act as shills for their soft drink products that go by the names of “Pitch Black” and “Baja Blast” [they are whatever flavors you want them to be once you mix them with vodka, right?] in a purported and definitely not rigged voting process that will anoint one of those two flavors as the fan favorite and now through July 9, 2016, fans can vote for their favorite flavor on DEWcision.com or Twitter by including one of the following hashtags: #VoteBajaBlast or #VotePitchBlack. Every hashtag will count as one vote. The flavor with the most votes supposedly wins a spot in Mountain Dew’s retail lineup while the other one gets sent to China where it can be knocked off as Super Crazy Drink!or Russia where it can be accused by Vladimir Putin of being an American plot to undermine Mother Russia.

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