The 2015 ASN Formula One Driver Rankings – Race Five


The official 2015 ASN Driver Rankings have been updated to reflect the 2015 Spanish Grand Prix – which we have unofficially re-christened as the Ricky Spanish Grand Prix [see official unofficial reference clip below] to spice up its otherwise boring nature. In the race itself, Mercedes’ Nico Rosberg took off from his pole position and was never seen again [at least if you were watching the NBCSN official live coverage of the race]. That left the remainder of the race to be focused on Ferrari’s Sebastian Vettel and his attempt to hold off the other Mercedes boy, Lewis Hamilton. That was the entirety of the drama for the race as Rosberg sped off to Kansas or who knows where. Vettel not only successfully held off Hamilton – with the help of a poor Hamilton pit stop – but eventually forced Mercedes to change their pit stop strategy in a last-ditch desperation effort [cutely nicknamed “Plan B” – though we would have liked it better if it had been named “Plan M for Murder” or, much, much better if it had been named “Plan Ricky Spanish”].

Anyhoots, the result was that Hamilton finally made it past Vettel, but it was too late to catch the fleeing Rosberg – although it did make for entertaining late-race radio conversations between Hamilton and his engineering team where they delved into the cerebral and nebulous topic of what exactly was possible and impossible? Those Germans and Brits – they go crazy for the philosophy.

Behind Vettel in the final podium position, there was little to no drama and the only spark of life was provided by – who else – the Lotus team, who ruined all their good “Mad Max”-karmic momentum and promptly proceeded to crash into each other as well as one of their pit crew. So the 2015 Spanish Grand Prix was really more about self-flagellation for Lotus.

As for the standings, the clear winner for the 2015 Ricky Spanish Grand Prix was Nico Rosberg, who essentially took the scenic route to victory, followed by Sebastian Vettel and his devious ploy of honey badgering Lewis Hamilton for nearly the entire race and forcing Mercedes to have philosophical conversations with their driver during a high-speed car race. Third goes to that wily Finn, Valtteri Bottas, who held off his equally wily Finn brethren, Kimi Raikkonen, for fourth place about 12 hours back [or at least it seemed like it]. Vettel retakes the lead from Hamilton in the season standings.

For the awards, even though the race itself was boring, there were still some clear winners. For the coveted Pastor Maldonado Driving School Award, it was no contest – going to Maldonado’s Lotus teammate, Romain Grosjean – for serendipitously plowing into Maldonado and damaging his rear wing and then plowing into his own jackman on his pit crew [see video]. Somebody didn’t get enough pre-race sex, we’d have to say. Maldonado still holds the season lead.

The Kimi Raikkonen “Leave Me Alone, I Know What I’m Doing!” Award had to go to Lewis Hamilton, who, once again, chastised his engineers for talking to him whilst he was in the corners. Specifically, telling engineer Peter Bonnington – “Please, Bono, please try not to speak to me in the corners.” Hamilton moves back into a tie with Rosberg for the season lead.

With no outright obvious celebrity insults or grid girl sprayings this week, the Lewis Hamilton Doofus Moment Award was somewhat boring – making it a perfect match for the race itself – but ASN had to make an executive decision and the award recipient this week is Red Bull’s Christian Horner, who must be getting into pre-nuptial Spice Girl whining mode by not only writing off Red Bull’s season chances but also writing off their chances of winning a single grand prix race as well. What the hell – might as well write off 2016 while you’re at it. Screw it, I’m going on the honeymoon to Tahiti. Hamilton maintains the season lead for his own award.

The 2015 Formula One season continues with the Monaco Grand Prix in Monaco at 5 a.m. [PDT] on NBCSN on May 24, 2015.

The 2015 ASN Formula One Driver Standings [after the Ricky Spanish Grand Prix]

1] Sebastian Vettel – Nine points

2] Lewis Hamilton – seven points

3] Kimi Raikkonen – Four points

4] Nico Rosberg/Valtteri Bottas – three points

6] Max Verstappen – two points

7] Jenson Button/Romain Grosjean – one point

The 2015 Pastor Maldonado Driving School Award Standings [after the Ricky Spanish Grand Prix]

1] Pastor Maldonado – two points

2] Marcus Ericsson/Grosjean/Kimi Raikkonen’s pit crew – one point

The 2015 Kimi Raikkonen Leave Me Alone I Know What I’m Doing Award Standings [after the Ricky Spanish Grand Prix]

1] Hamilton/Rosberg – two points

2] Daniel Ricciardo pit crew – one point

The 2015 Lewis Hamilton Doofus Moment Award [after the Ricky Spanish Grand Prix]

1] Hamilton – two points

2] Bernie Ecclestone/Christian Horner/Vettel – one point

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