Synopsis: The boys – Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond – of Top Gear are back with the Series 21 opener and it’s a classic Cheap Car Challenge with hot hatchbacks of the 1980s and special guest Hugh Bonneville [“Downton Abbey” and “Monuments Men”] takes the Reasonably Priced Car out for a spin on the track.
Details: The boys are back and it is an old favorite – the Cheap Car Challenge – which opens Series 21 of “Top Gear”. It seems the “teenaged producers” of the show have issued a challenge to the boys that essentially stipulates that today’s modern hot hatchbacks are better than those of the boys’ youth – specifically, the Volkswagen Golf GTI, the Ford Fiesta XR2i and the Nova Sri – and what follows, of course, is a series of tests to prove or disprove that stipulation.
The first test is at the Shelsley Walsh Hill Climb course where The Stig – or rather, The Stig’s teenage cousin [complete with headphones outside his helmet] – drives a 2013 Seat on the course to establish the test time which they must try to beat with the Golf [800 quid], the Ford [750 quid] or the Nova [700 quid]. The Stig’s teenage cousin does the course in 40.5 seconds and Hammond’s Nova is the fastest at 46.3 seconds – but alas, he rolls it in a ditch as any teenager from the 1980s were prone to do.
At this point, it is time for the news and Jeremy talks about the exciting new VW hybrid that we won’t see for a million years, if ever, the new Formula One cars and their noses which resemble penises, the new Lexus which Jeremy claims to fancy, the new night imaging sensor technology from Mercedes-Benz which Jeremy determines needs to go back to the drawing board because it’s not good for targeting and running over things you want to run over due to it braking for you before you are to hit said target. The news segment ends with a get well wish for Formula One legend Michael Schumacher as he recovers from his skiing accident.
Part Two of the Cheap Car Challenge commences with each car getting custom wraps in lieu of paint jobs and Jeremy discovers that he has left his car keys on the roof of his Golf and the bright orange traffic cone-colored wrap went right over it – forcing him to pick it out. Hammond gets an Arctic Camo wrap for his Nova and James receives the holiday treatment for his Ford. The cars are then sent to the supermarket for the Supermarket Challenge – to try and drive through the widened aisles of the supermarket without hitting groceries – but it is actually more of an excuse for show yobbos Jeremy and Richard to crash into stuff while sensible James completes the course as intended.
Once beef stew has been extracted from Jeremy’s Golf and Cocoa Puffs from Hammond’s fuel line, part three of the Cheap Car Challenge ensues and it is more of a demonstration of what the boys could do with their hot hatchbacks in their youth that the teenaged producers can’t – or aren’t willing to – do with their hot hatchbacks of today. This includes doing a lap and towing a couch on wheels.
The guest – actor Hugh Bonneville from “Downton Abbey” and “Monuments Men” – is brought out to do a lap around the track in the Reasonably Priced Car. After determining his car history which mainly consisted of a Volvo 121 and Volvo XC90, Bonneville puts in a respectable time of 1:50.1 in a wet lap.
The final part of the Cheap car Challenge ends at an abandoned Welsh Army base where each of them have their cars chased by the other two in modern day police Astras. Hammond’s car, injured during part three shenanigans, is caught in eight seconds. Jeremy takes his Golf on a marathon 14-hour and 22-minute chase, evading the Magnetron of Justice but not the RC Car of Death while James engages in a slow-motion, low speed chase tactic that eludes the Prongs of Doom, Drone of Intrusiveness, Eating Thing of Devastation before being blown up by the Tank of Righteousness.
The Poop and Skinny: Top thing to remember from this episode…
Both the Golf and Ford were blown up.
The coveted ASN Best Line of the Episode Award goes to Richard, who announces will driving the Tank of Righteousness – “The first thing you need to know is – I have an erection.”
Courtesy of the BBC, here is Top Gear Series 21, Episode 1.